beatrix hobbes, private eye! ([info]hobviously) wrote,
2005-12-12 12:17:00
  • Previous
  • Memorize
  • Share
  • Next

the adventure that shall fall us

Hullo. Susan fic. Slightly twisted.

title: The Adventure That Shall Fall Us
author: Tris B.
fandom: Narnia
word count: 600-ish
rated: R for sex and incestual themes.

Thanks to Imry.

"And one year it fell out that Tumnus (who was a middle-aged Faun by now and beginning to be stout) came down the river and brought them news that the White Stag had once more appeared in his parts — the White Stag who would give you wishes if you caught him."
- C.S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

Susan loses her virginity to a boy named Harold on a Thursday when it's raining outside and her mother thinks she's at the movies. He makes a series of undignified noises as he searches for an angle from which to enter her, and, embarrassed, she looks away. Garters and braces and sensible autumn clothing are strewn around the floor, including an old threadbare jumper that used to be too big on stormy nights in the heart of the country.

Harold still hasn't got things sorted, and he doesn't know where to put his hands, but in between pulses of the flickering lamp his face is indistinct. When the light is dim, Susan finds, her body knows what to do.

Oh, Susan thinks. Oh.

***


One against three. The White Stag beckoned.

She had wanted to stay.

***


Lymon is older, more experienced than Harold. He pours her a cup of coffee the next morning and she feels wonderfully old. Susan says she has to powder her nose and in the bathroom struggles briefly to recreate the previous night's hair style, but it's no use. Smiling contrast red, she returns to the kitchen, and kisses Lymon in a way that she hopes will be interpreted as mature and enticing. Lipstick is frivolous with the country still in shock, but to Susan, it's cheaper than the alternative.

On the way home, she catches sight of her rumpled fingerwaves in a reflective store window; sees herself swimming in a plain grey jumper. Maybe a red coat would do nicely.

***


She missed the fair creatures of Narnia, the Talking Animals who had accompanied every hunt. Dear Peelipeep the Mouse, and Mufflebunion the dwarf. Penyn and Aleigh, the wise horses — never ridden, of course, except in times of great urgency. King and Queen, they would ride their dumb beasts, trailing benediction for all of Narnia, and discuss in even tones and chivalrous language the day's quarry with their counselors. Rabbits, owls, and bears all had their say. Centaurs brought up the rear, keeping a respectful distance; they talked about constellations with the unicorns.

***


Daniel says she has a gentle touch, and she doesn't answer in words.

***


They forgot it almost as soon as they stumbled back through the wardrobe. Or, rather, they began to. The words came out strangely in the house in the country, and she couldn't keep the carriage of a queen when Mrs. Macready got to scolding. They'd meet in the otherwise empty room late at night and sit with their backs against the wardrobe, and through the hours keep a vigil for the dying of their memories.

Sometimes they'd wear fur coats from the wardrobe just for fun, but sometimes instead Peter would take off his boring grey jumper, and help Susan tug it on over her head. It was pleasantly oversized; as warm, Susan thought, as one of the Professor's great coats, or nearly in any case.

"I just wish we'd caught that damn stag, though," she burst out one night, and Peter laughed and knocked against her in brotherly mirth. His fingers burrowed in the knitted loops of her sleeve, and they were closer than they'd been in weeks.

She didn't say anything, because things like "asunder" sounded ridiculous when she wasn't wearing a crown, and had no arrows to match her words.

***


And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.

Susan does not like church, does not like visiting cemetaries where roses wind around each headstone, but her family is dead, and someone jolly well has to.

***


She thought about what her wishes would have been.


Feedback is as gods!
Tags: fic, incest is common among royalty anyway, narnia

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    switch

    Your IP address will be recorded 

     
    Help
  • 76 comments
Previous
← Ctrl← Alt
  • 1
  • 2
Next
Ctrl →Alt →

[info]paper_tzipporah

December 12 2005, 13:08:35 UTC 6 years ago

Pretty. I'm a little unclear on when that last line is happening, though, possibly because I expected it to be in present tense and then it wasn't.

[info]hobviously

December 12 2005, 16:35:20 UTC 6 years ago

Thank you! The last section is of the same Narnia-missing Narnia-sitting by the wardrobe timeline. So I imagine it as taking place during one of her vigils with Peter.

[info]bantha_fodder

December 12 2005, 13:16:35 UTC 6 years ago

I LOVE YOU LIKE PIE.

I'm glad this did not go the way of the unfinished fic.

[info]hobviously

December 12 2005, 16:40:08 UTC 6 years ago

LIKE PIE, I RETURN YOUR LOVE.

Me too!

[info]voleuse

December 12 2005, 13:39:10 UTC 6 years ago

Oh. Oh. This is lovely.

[info]hobviously

December 12 2005, 16:45:37 UTC 6 years ago

Thank you!

[info]kerrypolka

December 12 2005, 14:29:08 UTC 6 years ago

Maybe a red coat would do nicely.

and

"I just wish we'd caught that damn stag, though," she burst out one night, and Peter laughed and knocked against her in brotherly mirth. His fingers burrowed in the knitted loops of her sleeve, and they were closer than they'd been in weeks.

I love the way you made boys and lipsticks sort of Susan's coping mechanism for not being as grown-up as she had been, because really when you think about it, growing up in Narnia --> kid's body in the Real World really pretty much sucks.

[info]hobviously

December 12 2005, 16:49:06 UTC 6 years ago

growing up in Narnia --> kid's body in the Real World really pretty much sucks

Word-fried word on a word platter. Especially when as grown-ups in Narnia you totally had lots of sex with your brother and nobody cared because they dig that shit there! They doooo!

Thank you!

[info]corvidae9

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]zorb

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]hobviously

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]corvidae9

December 12 2005, 17:50:05 UTC 6 years ago

She didn't say anything, because things like "asunder" sounded ridiculous when she wasn't wearing a crown, and had no arrows to match her words.

Oh brilliant. :D The whole thing, but that was just pretteh. :D Permission to join the love-and-baked-goods parade?

[info]hobviously

December 12 2005, 18:22:01 UTC 6 years ago

Thank youuuuu! <333

Mmm, baked goods.

[info]liminalliz

December 12 2005, 17:58:23 UTC 6 years ago

SAD CRIES! Oh Susan. This is quite lovely.

[info]hobviously

December 12 2005, 18:29:19 UTC 6 years ago

Thank you, darling.

[info]alliterator

December 12 2005, 18:21:47 UTC 6 years ago

Holy crap, this is good. And sad.

I was always saddenned by the end of LWW, because they grew up in Narnia, but were back to being kids again at the end. And now this shows the repercussions and wow.

I haven't read The Last Battle, which I know is where the "lipsticks and nylons" line comes from. Is it any good?

[info]hobviously

December 12 2005, 18:35:31 UTC 6 years ago

Thanks! Woe. Er, I don't really like The Last Battle, because unlike the other books wherein you can kind of take the allegory or leave it, the Biblical connection is about as subtle as a rifle barrel over the head. But I think I'm going to reread it soon; it's kind of fun in that it's like a reunion episode, only it's a book long. Pretty much everyone shows up.

With one notable exception. *cough*

[info]kerrypolka

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]hobviously

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]kerrypolka

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]hobviously

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]kerrypolka

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]hobviously

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]kerrypolka

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]starbrow

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]alliterator

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]hobviously

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]lirren

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]aishuu

December 13 2005, 14:42:09 UTC 6 years ago

Very interesting, though I don't really get an incestuous feeling from this. I like this style, with short scenes, since it builds such a colorful tapestry of images.

[info]hobviously

December 13 2005, 14:46:05 UTC 6 years ago

It's funny, because almost every single thing in here was written with P/S intent, but judging from feedback it ended up being way subtler than I thought. I'm kinda glad, actually, that people can read it as gen-y and take away something different from what I wrote.

Thank you!

[info]hobviously

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]nakedtoes

December 13 2005, 14:43:52 UTC 6 years ago

There are some lovely moments here - the way things slip away when they come back, wearing the fur coats. I think this line is my favourite:
Susan does not like church, does not like visiting cemetaries where roses wind around each headstone, but her family is dead, and someone jolly well has to.

It fits in so well with the books - 'jolly well', and the feel that you do what you have to do rather than what you'd want to. Lovely!

[info]hobviously

December 13 2005, 14:47:29 UTC 6 years ago

the feel that you do what you have to do rather than what you'd want to

Ah, well, you know what they say. Once a queen of Narnia....

Thank you for the delightful feedback!

[info]lirren

December 13 2005, 14:49:17 UTC 6 years ago

I really liked this. I've always felt sorry for Susan. She's sort of made out to be something of a bad guy in the books, but I always sort of felt it was a coping mechanism on her part, considering all she lost.

[info]hobviously

December 13 2005, 20:03:38 UTC 6 years ago

Thank you very much. I agree about Susan (obviously).

[info]starbrow

December 13 2005, 15:01:29 UTC 6 years ago

This was very enjoyable. :)

[info]hobviously

December 13 2005, 20:04:33 UTC 6 years ago

Yay, thanks! :]

[info]pathstotread

December 13 2005, 16:23:50 UTC 6 years ago

Oh, you always write the loveliest fic. Seriously.

*loves*

[info]hobviously

December 13 2005, 20:05:18 UTC 6 years ago

Rilly? Omg. *BLUSHES*

i looove you, carrie!

[info]goshemily

December 13 2005, 17:41:06 UTC 6 years ago

yeah, so my jaw? completely on the ground. excellent.

[info]hobviously

December 13 2005, 20:13:00 UTC 6 years ago

Thanks! Eeee.

[info]hobviously

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]goshemily

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]lodessa

December 13 2005, 21:47:20 UTC 6 years ago

Isufficiently incestuous but your description of Susan's sexual exploits is fabulous.

[info]hobviously

December 13 2005, 21:53:14 UTC 6 years ago

WOE.

[info]lodessa

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]ceilidh

December 14 2005, 18:35:50 UTC 6 years ago

Oh this is so lovely, and there are Peter/Susan vibes, and yay! Awesome.

[info]hobviously

December 15 2005, 00:43:58 UTC 6 years ago

Thank you!

[info]jerushajen

December 14 2005, 22:09:02 UTC 6 years ago


And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.

Susan does not like church, does not like visiting cemetaries where roses wind around each headstone, but her family is dead, and someone jolly well has to.

***

She thought about what her wishes would have been.

oh, oh. susan.

tris, i cannot even. this is so lovely and tremendous and hurtful and i cannot stand it and i'm going to go read something about fluffy bunnies now.

omg, with his jumper always. *aches*

[info]hobviously

December 15 2005, 00:55:04 UTC 6 years ago

thank you, love. snuggle some bunnies for me.

[info]kitsune13

December 14 2005, 22:50:32 UTC 6 years ago

This was beautiful, and achy and subtle, and it hurts like a bitch. A BITCH. There's something so cruel about being allowed in and then thrown out of Narnia, and you've captured that wonderfully. And Susan, eee. The more Narniafic I read, the more I love Susan.

Er, hi! I heard you wrote Narnia, and I had to show up and read, and it was so lovely that i had to comment. Also, love the icons!

[info]hobviously

December 15 2005, 00:57:04 UTC 6 years ago

The more Narniafic I read, the more I love Susan.

Me too! She's suddenly intensely fascinating, and so easily sympathized with.

Thank you, I'm glad you like.

[info]cyan_blue

December 15 2005, 00:10:18 UTC 6 years ago

It's very good. I'm so sad for Susan, who may be too practical for her own good but deserves better than she gets, surely...

[info]hobviously

December 15 2005, 00:58:34 UTC 6 years ago

Thank you very much.

[info]peri_peteia

December 28 2005, 23:29:50 UTC 6 years ago

So, poodle, I was bored and looking idly through your journal and I reread this and remembered how much I loved it intensely and also how I suck and never commented!

SO COMMENT.

I think my favorite is the entire "asunder" line, because just...I am so new to Narnia as you know but already completely obsessed with Susan and Susan's predicament and just the sadness inherent in having been a queen but then being cast out and having to go back to being normal and and and...out of coherency.

I love this.

And I love YOUUUUU. the most.

[info]hobviously

December 30 2005, 17:09:56 UTC 6 years ago

THANKS POODLY I LOVE YOU ALSO THE MOST!

I could write about Susan's woe forever, but it would be like the same two thoughts repeated endlessly, so I will try to stop myself!

[info]peri_peteia

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]girlintheattic

December 30 2005, 16:36:50 UTC 6 years ago

Gorgeous. Really gorgeous. I was sent this way by the lovely rawles and it's just what I was looking for.

This is why I love Susan and the *jumper*? Don't get me started on the jumper...

[info]hobviously

December 30 2005, 17:20:00 UTC 6 years ago

Thank you so much! Poor darling Susan. *covers her in brotherly jumpers*

[info]venomconfection

December 31 2005, 18:27:58 UTC 6 years ago

i didn't read this the first time around, but now that i've seen the movie and sort of get what's going on, i decided to read it. you're right, that's a really lame summary. and your story is very beautiful. <3 .

[info]hobviously

May 15 2006, 00:43:06 UTC 6 years ago

Hahaha, hey there.

THANKS!

[info]venomconfection

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]hobviously

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]venomconfection

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]hobviously

6 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]squee1123

April 26 2006, 19:51:26 UTC 6 years ago

maybe its caused im twisted and really love susan/peter but i seriously thought itd end with a susan/peter twist after the line about his jumper...

loved this. very heartbreaking.

[info]hobviously

May 15 2006, 00:47:31 UTC 6 years ago

*belatedly*

Thanks! Of course it's all about Peter/Susan but if you want to read my non-subtexty thoughts on it, I did commentary on it here.

[info]fadingphantom

May 14 2007, 09:59:36 UTC 5 years ago

oh.
Absolutely gorgeous - every time I read this story it just gets better.
It tears my heart apart a little more with every paragraph, because of everything you say with so few words, and everthing you don't say too (you don't even have to say torn asunder for me to think it).
This has got to be the best narnia fic I have ever read - I love the subtltey and bittersweet mood, and the simple but devastating lines.
*clings on tight and mems it*
thank you.

xo

[info]fadingphantom

May 14 2007, 10:08:25 UTC 5 years ago

P.S. was I meant to read this whole thing as Peter/Susan? Because I did.

Especially ESPECIALLY this:
Harold still hasn't got things sorted, and he doesn't know where to put his hands, but in between pulses of the flickering lamp his face is indistinct. When the light is dim, Susan finds, her body knows what to do.

Oh, Susan thinks. Oh.

and this:
She thought about what her wishes would have been.

And because I can't stop thinking about it, I'm gonna add: THIS part absolutely slayed me when I read it. And after I just recovered from previous the paragraph, too...

One against three. The White Stag beckoned.
She had wanted to stay.

*meep*

[info]sainfoin_fields

3 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]fadingphantom

3 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]christallh30

April 1 2008, 10:30:55 UTC 4 years ago

I HATE To Be A Bitch

....but I don't get all the praise. Is there a link to the rest of the story that I missed or was this just a drabble? And what of the content that rates this an R?

Like I said, I'm hate to be a bitch but I'm just hungry for a real Peter and Susan romance of substance...meaning R/NC-17 rated, more than a drabble or one-shot that I'm having a near to impossible search finding and am more than a little frustrated. I hope the new Narnia will spawn more P/S fans and bring more writers into the fandom that aren't afraid or intimidated to write more Peter/Susan or even Edmund/Lucy (although, I'm not personally into that ship).

Sorry, for the rant. This was cute. I just wish there was more to it.

[info]sainfoin_fields

June 11 2008, 22:27:12 UTC 3 years ago

Re: I HATE To Be A Bitch

Thanks for your feedback, but this fic was all about what is left unsaid. I hope you've had better luck in finding writers more interested in other topics.

[info]isha_libran

June 7 2008, 10:14:31 UTC 3 years ago

Ooh, I like. Love the first and last lines. And the jumper! *makes sadface*

Anyway, thanks very much for sharing this, I enjoyed it. =)

[info]sainfoin_fields

June 11 2008, 22:28:13 UTC 3 years ago

Thank you, I'm glad to see it's still getting a little play two and a half years later! (Eeek, am I getting old?)
Previous
← Ctrl← Alt
  • 1
  • 2
Next
Ctrl →Alt →
Create an Account
Forgot your login or password?
Facebook Twitter More login options
English • Español • Deutsch • Русский…